beans without butter

So we've been working on "making connections". This is where we read a story and the kids make a connection to something in the book we've read - most of the time the book reminds them of something from their own experience. So we read a book about a kid whose mom gets a job and how things change around the house - dad starts to do the cooking, the kids have to pick up a few extra chores, there isn't as much time with mom as there was before, and mom and dad sometimes fight. Here was one of my students connections:

This story reminds me of when I had to eat beans without butter. When I ate lunch at school. When I had to yell at my kitten.

Random and totally adorable.

You may remember the clever little joker I have in my class (remember the dungeon?). She's always coming up with an interesting play on words, and often her wit is lost on the other kids. This time they were getting ready to go outside on the should-have-been-a-snow-day right before the holidays. I over-heard her repeating over and over (until I laughed out-loud from across the room), "It's snow fair that we have to go outside! It's SNOW fair!". Where does she come up with this stuff?

middle name

Again, a story from the staff room. For some reason the class was talking about middle names. One boy, Ben, was asked what his middle name is. "Jamin", he said. "Jamin?" the teacher asked, thinking this was a strange name for a conservative white family to give their child. "Yes, Ben Jamin Rogers." Of course, at this point she clued in (as I'm sure you already have) to the fact that his name is just Benjamin. But he doesn't realize this of course. This was enough for a good laugh in the staff room.

teacher dreams

Apparently every teacher has dreams about things going horribly wrong in their classroom. I did last night. It was my second day and for some reason another teacher was in my classroom. For some reason this other teacher was Robert Downey Jr. He had taken some time to look at what I had done on my first day, and in front of the entire class, he COMPLETELY humiliated me. He asked me WHAT I could POSSIBLY have been THINKING. You do NOT do THIS and you do NOT do THAT. And I don't know WHAT teacher in their RIGHT MIND would EVER read THIS to THIS kid....and on and on, you get the idea. At first I tried to defend myself but I couldn't. And soon the students were completely on his side, laughing at me. They were laughing at his sarcastic remarks about how stupid I was! It was horrible. Finally I just walked out of the room in a crying rage. He came out after me (apparently there was another teacher in the room to watch the kids). In the loudest whisper I could muster, and trying not to cry, I said, Well, is this what you wanted? To scare me away? Yesterday was my first day as a real teacher. That was my first time reading that book and my first time meeting those kids....He was apparently shocked and didn't know it was my first day. I asked him to come with me to the office. At which point I told someone about how he tore me apart in front of the class and how he was insulting and slandering me. Aren't those strong words? they asked. No, and here's my teaching partner (from real life) to verify what happened (because mysteriously she was there too). I was crying hysterically at this point.

Apparently Nathan rolled over, because I woke up crying, hardly able to breath.

So there you go. Maybe it does happen to everyone. At the very least I guess we should learn from our dreams. So, a word to the wise: if you are a teacher, and you see Robert Downey Jr, don't let him near your classroom.

computers and snakes and showers

So on Friday we had a PD day. In their planners on Thursday, I had the kids write "PD day tomorrow. Yay!" I went around to check their planners and one boy said to me, very pointedly, "I didn't write 'yay'". "Oh," I said, concerned, "Aren't you excited about the PD day tomorrow?" "No," he replied. "Why?" I asked. "Because we have to miss computers." I just laughed. Oh computers. He would rather not have a PD day than miss computers. Amazing.

A while ago, I heard this story in the staff room, coming from the kindergarten teacher.

Andrew came in from recess and had some very exciting news to tell me. "I caught a flow snake!" He said. Admittedly, he looked a little confused and tried it again, when I asked him to repeat himself. "A flow snake! I caught a flow snake". I still wasn't sure what he was talking about. "What kind of snake?" "A flow snake". Obviously asking him this was getting me nowhere. I tried a different angle. "How did you catch it?" I asked. "On my tongue" he said. At first I was a little unnerved, but suddenly realized what he meant. "Oooooh, you caught a SNOW FLAKE!" He lit up. "Yes, yes! A snow flake! I caught a snow flake!!" Have I mentioned that I love the kindies?

As you might imagine, Halloween is an exciting time in grade two. Of course all the candy makes everyone unnaturally crazy, but the costumes are fun too. I did learn something this year, that I hadn't really thought about. As you might know, I LOVE dressing up. Always have, always will. I can remember spending hours at Value Village searching for the right shirt, or the right skirt...painting my face, sewing this that and the other thing. I would (and still do) spend hours getting ready for Halloween. Even if it's just to hand out candy.

Anyways, this is not the case for everyone. Even in grade two. We had some spare time between nutrition break and the costume parade. I thought it might be fun for everyone to go around and talk about what they were dressed up as, and why they chose to be that. The overwhelming response to the second question was, "because my mom bought this for me". Shockin'! Admittedly, there were a few other answers. There was "I'm Hannah Montana. I dressed as her because I love Hannah Montana. She's the best pop star in the world!" (grade two!!) And then there was, "I really wanted to be a skull but I couldn't, so now I'm wearing my cousin's old costume from last year." And one of my favourites "I'm dressed up as a skull. I wanted to be a skull because he said he was going to be a skull, but...". Hilarious. But most of them were something to the tune of "I'm this because my mom wanted me to be it." Turns out Halloween exists for the adults who love to live vicariously through their kids, not for the kids themselves.

This became undeniably obvious during the costume parade. The best costume in the school (although we didn't have a contest), was a kindie. He was a little adorable boy, and he was dressed up as a shower. Yes, a shower. He had a little harness to wear, with three dowels coming out of it, which held up a curtain rod, with a shower curtain (trimmed so he wouldn't trip on it) and a shower head with strings of little blue beads hanging from it. Amazing. It was a wonderful and creative and funny costume. But the truth is, no kindergarten child would think to themselves, "I want to be a shower for Halloween". Spiderman yes, Superman yes, the latest greatest "pop star" (unfortunately) yes. But a shower? No. Some people's parents...

dungeons, x-rays, extinction and other strange things

A few quick stories, and a few points of frustration:

As it is now, the part about teaching that I like the least, is getting dressed in the morning. I adore "casual Fridays" or as I call them "jean day". I really don't have enough formal clothing and really prefer to be comfortable, especially when around kids!

Also, although it is true that I am now a primary teacher, and am becoming more and more teachery as the days go by ("now Jeff, it's Kathy's turn to talk"), it is beyond me why everything I bring into my classroom needs to be cute. "Buy this adorable apple-shaped timer to easily keep track of minutes in games and activites!" Give me a break. I don't want a cute timer, I just want one that works and isn't going to have it's adorable little leaf handle break off. In case you haven't noticed, there are boys in my class. They may be little but they certainly aren't into cute. Not to mention the fact that I'm not a child! Can't I have things on my desk that I think are cool, or funky? Sigh...I think I might be a little too cynical. Already! I think a contributing factor to this point of frustration is the excessive use of comic sans. I'm doing my best to stick with Century Gothic.

Ah well, such is life. On to the stories.

I made a bin for the kids to put their finished work in that says "DONE!" on the side. So I am always saying things like, "when you're finished your worksheet, put it in the done bin". Well, one little darling, who has the best sense of humour, came up to me, with this very mischievious look on her face and said, "When we're done, are we supposed to put our sheet in the dungeon??" At first I thought she was just asking me where to put her work. And I was a little annoyed, since I'd just told them. But she repeated herself, "In the DUNGEON???" I laughed hysterically. She is hilarious.

As is inevitable, the students wanted to find out how old I am. They had guesses everywhere from 30 to 50. When they finally figured out my real age, one of them exclaimed "Wow, you're young for a grown-up!" :)

Some kids are just random. Sitting beside a kid during nutrition break (aka lunch, but we have it twice a day instead of once), we were talking about x-rays. He told me that he'd had an x-ray once, of his head no less. Yes, it happened while he was inside his mom. They needed to make sure that his head was okay because his brother was always sitting on it! (Ah ha, you have a twin! I said.) And now, he still asks his brother to sit on his head. Only now his head is on the kitchen floor! Random!!

I'm not sure if this is appropriate for bloggerland, but, they were coming in from recess and one boy came up to me and informed me that another student in our class was upset because he fell and scraped his balls. The boy telling me didn't laugh; in fact he didn't really seem to think there was anything strange about what he was telling me. Alright, I said.

We were talking about how humans can harm animals, and I wanted to tell them a bit about pollution, and how wasting paper can lead to animals losing their habitats etc. etc. I asked if anyone knew what extinct meant. One very sweet girl put up her hand. "Extinct is when an animal disappears, but you can still see the bones, and then someone hides the bones". Excellent.

Truly, there is no end of amusement...

Week One

Well, after one week with the grade twos I have a few short stories to tell.

1. I often say "excusé moi" instead of "excuse me". I said this to a student and the student said in an offended tone of voice, "This isn't french class!!"

2. My teaching partner always gives the kids a high five at the end of the day as they walk out of the classroom. I decided I should do something different, so I tried pound it, instead of high five. Do you know what I mean? When you just knock fists with someone? So I told the kids to do this. Well, my assumption that they knew what I was talking about was clearly wrong. Most of them wound up and punched my knuckles as hard as they possibly could. They we quite red by the end of it. I'll have to work on that...

3. One of the great things about teaching grade two is that they get excited about almost everything. As long as your excited, and use exciting words, they get totally into it. So a lot of mornings we play this game called Sparkle, where the kids sit in a circle and spell their spelling words, each students saying one letter. When the word is spelled, the next person says "sparkle" and the student after them is out. Anyways, they love playing this game. So I decided to spice it up, since they knew their spelling words pretty well already, and add in some other words from around the classroom. I told them this and they were thrilled. So I called out the usual words for them to spell and then threw in "October". In unison they all said "Oooooh!!!" and spelled it. I called out "math". "Aaaaaaaah!!" they cried. "Routine". "Yaaaaaaa!". They were hilarious. And all just about a little spelling game. Amazing.

So it begins. Of course there is a LOT to think about, but I'm having a good time, and the class is wonderful.

Ready or not, here I come!

I have a job!! Everything happened so fast on Wednesday and I'm definitely still in shock.

I get a phone call from the principal of a school where a good friend of mine works. Let's call her Daisy. I had been a supply there many times last year and apparently made a good impression on the principal. So she phones me up and says they have a "potential" LTO coming up at the school, and would I like to come in for an interview. Shocked, I say of course! She says we'll have the interview at 6pm. No problem. But could I also come in now just so she can ask me some questions. I say of course! And by the way, she says, since nothing is for sure, she can't really tell me any details except that it's .5 (half time). Wonderful, I say, since I'm doing my masters part time anyways.

What luck, I'm thinking, to be able to work at the same school as Daisy! We've been friends for over five years, and went to teachers' college together! This would be amazing!

So I rush around like a crazy person trying to get myself looking presentable and to pull together a cover letter and resume package. I finally head over to the school and meet the principal there. The secretary looked at me as if I was from another planet when I asked if the principal was there. "Is she expecting you?" she asked. "Yes" I said. "I can wait but please tell her I'm here"...

The principal asks me some interview-ish questions, but as she said "this is turning out to be a very informal interview", since the phone was ringing off the hook, and people were knocking at the door...So in the course of this conversation I manage to find out a few more details. The position is to teach grade two, and I'm sharing the class with none other than Daisy!! What are the chances!!! My shock level goes up several degrees. I also find out that she is not interviewing anyone else for the position, and as long as I don't say anything too crazy at the formal interview, I'll be hired. Holy crap!!

So I go home from there and try to eat some food and not go crazy. I eventually make my way to the formal interview after trying to review some of the important buzz words like "backwards by design" and "constructivism" and "diagnostic assessment". There are two other principals in the room (along with my principal-to-be) and things are very formal. One principal asks me the questions and the others write down my answers. No one really responds to anything I say, unless I try to be funny and then they smile. At the end I'm about to leave and I say, "oh yeah, did you want a copy of my resume and cover letter?" The principal had told me to bring them. "Naw", they say. Well, I'll take that as a good sign, I think. They obviously aren't really deciding whether or not to hire me if they don't even want to see my resume.

About an hour later I get a phone call from the principal telling me that she just has to finalize this with HR, but I have the job. I thank her profusely and that's it! I have the job! Of course Nathan has been hearing about all this as it happens, and he is also really excited. And also in shock.

So there you go. I feel really undeserving since I clearly got this job on the basis of who I knew, not really on the basis of any skill or talent I might have. Which just goes to show that it really is who you know. But I certainly can't complain. I get to work at a super easy school, with one of my very good friends as a teaching partner. It's amazing.

So now it's off to planning, planning and more planning. Stay tuned for more exciting stories from the world of HOME ROOM teaching! Yay!

Beasties

Well, the school year has officially begun, and as expected, I still haven't heard from a school. I'm not surprised though, in terms of supply teaching, since no good teacher would take a day off during the first two weeks of the school year...

Thus, I have no stories to share yet. However, many of my good friends are teaching and one, who teaches jk/sk gym, has been gracious enough to share with me a lovely kindie story. Here it is, and I quote:

I take them outside today and of course it so happens that the big blue truck that empties the big blue dumpster arrives just as I have finally gotten their attention (which is difficult to get from 4-year-olds).

So, as often occurs in teaching, I abandon trying to get their attention and encourage them to leave the circle that they are in and to come huddle at the side of the school to watch the garbage truck.

No sooner have they gathered around me, do I feel a tug on my shorts. A little boy looks up at me with fear in his eyes and ultimate concern for my well being and says, "Don't go too close to the big blue bin, there's beasties in there!".

Beasties. I'm racking my brain. What have this poor child's parents been telling him lives in the dumpster?

"Beasties?" I ask, stalling for time.

"Yeah, you know, beasties, they sting you."

"OHHHHHHHHH. Do you mean bees, honey?"

"Yeah. Beasties. The little bugs that sting you."

Lesson learned. Watch out for beasties by the big blue bin.

:)

back to school?

Shockingly, it's already August 19th. Yesterday the second posting of LTO jobs came out. There were a grand total of 21 jobs posted, to 14 of them I was eligible to apply. Out of those, I applied to 5. This is because I'm not done my thesis and will need to continue that until Christmas (at the latest!!), and thus cannot work full time. So I only applied to part-time jobs. Yes, I know I'm a failure, but really, it's been summer. And not just any summer. A 6-camping-trips-4-weddings-18-thousand-other-events summer. Hence, very little thesis work has been done...

Nevertheless, five more applications are out, and again we wait. Fingers crossed.

And just so you know, if nothing happens with this, there are always more posts. Individual jobs will arise from time to time as classrooms get shuffled around, people get pregnant or families move, and these get posted throughout the year. Two of my teaching friends got jobs in March last year. So all hope should not be lost...

Also, (and lastly) I'm still on the supply list. So if nothing else, new stories should begin to abound in the not-so-distant future. Until then, keep fit and have fun.

mid-summer update

So, the first LTO posting has come and gone, and I don't have a job. I have concluded that most of the jobs posted in that round were actually already designated for someone, but had to be posted because of technicalities and the rules. Which is helpful to keep in mind, since it means that my not getting a job doesn't necessarily mean I suck. But it's also annoying, since it just makes you wonder how it is that you become one of those designated people...

Another LTO posting is coming up on August 18th. The ETFO* website (etfo is the elementary teachers' federation of ontario - the union), says this:

the next posting for LTO positions, if there are any positions to be posted, will be August 18th, 2008

Which sounds terribly hopeful, I know. But truth be told, I was expecting no or very few postings to begin with, and there were over a hundred last time, so I should know enough to expect exaggerated pessimism from these people.

Anyways, just wanted to keep y'all in the loop. Stay tuned for my next report...if there is anything to report ;)

*it is interesting to note that here in the Waterloo board we say etfo as a word - as in ettfoe - whereas in the niagara board (as far as I can tell) they say e.t.f.o. - as in the four letter names. strange. this is only one of the many differences...there they say "split class" when talking about one class that has two grades in it. here, if we say "split" we'll be guaranteed not to get the job. the proper word is "combined"...what a game this all is...

applications and other things

Well folks, today is the last day of school. I'm at home, not working on my thesis like I should be. I decided to put up one last post before the summer break.

First of all, I have applied to a grand total of 38 LTO positions for the fall. LTO stands for long term occasional, and means filling in temporarily for a teacher who's on leave - maternity or otherwise. The jobs are all over the place - including a couple that I would absolutely love, ranging from teaching music to the old-order menno school I was at in the fall (see post), to teaching grade two down the hall from the worst class in the school, with all kinds of stuff in between. If I get a job, I'll let you, bloggerland, know.

Second of all, a while back we were watching the Halifax comedy show and one of the comedians was talking about smoking pot, and how it's best not to do it before school cause you'll get found out, and so on. But then he said "kindergarten is the only grade where you could smoke pot before class and not get caught". I thought this was hilarious and completely true. Some kindies are so out of it, it really does make you wonder...

And speaking of the worst class in the school, here's another story from them. I was on lunch duty, walking around from classroom to classroom. I come in and there they are, tossing an orange around their desks. I'm about to tell them to stop, when one kid stands up just as another kid is throwing him the orange. He doesn't notice and sits down at the exact moment that the orange lands on his chair. He sits right on it, squishing its juice all over the place. I break down laughing my head off along with the rest of the class. Of course I never did manage to get them in trouble for throwing food...

And lastly, I had the good fortune of supply teaching in a class where there was a student teacher. He did all the work and I was just there to satisfy the rules. The grade ones were sitting down to hear "Stella, Queen of the Snow" (which is a great book by the way) and here's what happened:

teacher: "this book was made in the year 2000"
kid: "I wasn't even born!"
other kids: "wow"
problem-child James: "Mr. Smith"
teacher: "Yes James"
James: "no one was born when dinosaurs were alive"
teacher: "okay James"

Talk about random. Hence the above comment about pot-smoking kindies...

So hope you all have a wonderful summer. See you in September!!

in trouble with the principal

I don't usually do posts like this, but today I will. It will be thoughtful, not really very funny, and possibly boring. But my thoughts will be written down, and you'll know a bit of the other side of supply teaching.

Yes, I was sent to the office today. I was in the class across from "the worst class in the school". It was grade five and they were horrible. The day started off rough, and knowing that the vp and principal encouraged me to make use of them, I called the vp into our class. She gave them a little lecture and they calmed down. After the break I made a deal with them, involving losing and earning gym time. That was incredibly effective and they were as good as gold for those 30 minutes. After second break things just fell apart. We watched a Bill Nye video (for those of you who think that was just a part of your childhood, think again. Teachers love Bill Nye the Science Guy!!), and then were supposed to be doing math. It was a disaster. I sent one kid to the office and then had the principal come in and she stayed for the last 20 minutes of the day. I was really disappointed because I thought the kids were going to be able to hold it together. No such luck.

So, as she was leaving the classroom, she asked me to come to her office before I leave. Yikes. So I did, and I was in trouble. She told me that we'd had this conversation before (which we had) - I need to be more strict. And it's so weird because I never thought I'd have this problem. I have never had trouble telling kids what to do or to be quiet or anything. I always thought I was on the strict side. I think of working at a summer camp where it was good-cop bad-cop and I was always the bad cop. Obviously not bad enough. And I don't mean to say she was being mean or unreasonable. She's completely right. I have issues with classroom management. I am "hesitant" to draw the line and not let kids cross it. To say something and then follow through with it. And I never knew.

I think it has a lot to do with the whole being friends with the kids thing. Which again, I never thought I'd have a problem with. But seriously, when a kid comes up to me after school in tears, because he might miss track and field tomorrow because I might tell the principal he was bad, it breaks my heart. I live for the moments when I walk into a school and kids see me and light up, saying "Hey! What's up? How are you? Are you in our class today? Yessss!". It just makes me feel so good. But really, if I aim for that, if I try to give them the "you should know better than that, smarten up, come on" look after telling them to stop, instead of the "STOP THAT" yell with a trip to the office, they aren't going to like me any better. As the principal said, some of the regular supply teachers she has in are the most strict people you've ever met and the kids love them. And the behaviour kids especially. Which I know. It's not like I haven't always told people how much kids need boundaries and actually like them, and feel safe and comfortable when they know the rules, bla bla bla...

So, right now I am going online to order "The First 100 Days of School" and "Secrets of Discipline". I'm not 100% convinced that they are going to help me out, since I feel like I know what I need to do and I'm just not doing it. But at the very least, I will be able to say to the principal the next time I'm in that I've ordered the books she recommended, so she knows I'm taking this seriously. And so that in an interview when they ask me about my weaknesses, I can say classroom management. And when they ask me what I've done about it, I can say I've read these books...

Sigh. It's a bit tough when you think you're "a natural" and then you get in trouble with the principal.

But, on the bright side of all this, I am really encouraged by the fact that she took 20 minutes at the end of her day to talk to me about this, to let me ask her some questions, to recommend some books to me. To me this says that I'm not a write-off. That she is investing in making me a better teacher, because she thinks I have potential. So it can't be all bad.

So, next time it's no more Mrs. Nicewood. You look at me wrong and you are heading straight to the office. No ifs ands or buts.

Good luck with that.

kindies - part two

Here are two more little stories that came out of those few kindergarten days I had.

They both took place during "activity time". In kindergarten, as I'm sure you can remember, there is lots of time to play. And there are lots of different little stations you can go to play in. Places like the sand box, the painting, the blocks, and the play-house. So, at activity time, the kids are all scattered about the room, doing their own thing, and my job is essentially to make sure they aren't pulling each other's hair out, or stuffing things up each other's noses or anything like that. So I walk past a few little boys building things with the blocks. As they drive their little toy trucks around the construction site they've created, one starts to sing, "I believe I can fly", and the others join in. "I believe I can touch the sky" they sing together. Not Barney, or Fred Penner or Raffi - these four year old boys are singing R Kelly. Hilarious. Adorable. It sounds a bit like Alvin and the Chipmunks.

So I continue on my way, and come to the play-house. There are, not surprisingly, two little girls playing there. I overhear them and stop to listen. Of course they notice me and come over to explain what's going on.

"Our husbands are always late," the one tiny girl says. "Every day. Every day they are late for supper. They come home late from work."

"Oh no!" I respond, going along with it of course.

"Yes. So now they are fired. " I interpret this to mean they can no longer be their husbands because the wives are firing them. Which was very funny.

Clearly the other little girl is similarly confused, "We're going to get fired!" she cries.

But, to clear it up, the other one continues, "They're fired," she says again, "we called their bosses".

"Oh!" I say, very amused, but trying not to make it too obvious that I'm laughing at them. Two little miniature wives, so upset about their husbands constantly being late for supper that they call their husbands' bosses and get them fired so they won't be late any more!! So funny. How do their little brains come up with this stuff?

kindies - part one

So I've been to three kindergarten classes in the past three weeks, and yes, as promised, they have provided material for the blog. Todays events were short but sweet.

When the kids first come in, during attendance, apparently the teacher always says hello to each child, and they are supposed to say hello back in a creative way. So I tried it. Many didn't say anything, and barely looked up at me when all the other kids pointed to them to let me know they were here. Others said a shy but cute "hello". One pointed to his elbow and said "I have a boo-boo on my elbow hello". No pause. Just as if it all went together like any other normal sentence. Still one other said, with a karate chop, "hie-yah! hello". These were all really amusing. Luckily I had a co-op student in the room (who tipped me off about this little routine) who I could laugh with about their funny responses. But let's not forget the several kids who said "bow-chicka-bow-wow hello". Yes, they are in kindergarten. Obviously this is a thing for them. They think it's pretty funny and I really can't argue. Hilarious.

During the course of the day, it became clear that a lot of kids would rather just call me teacher, or shout "excuse me!" than saying my name. I never thought of it as an exceptionally difficult name to remember, or say or anything, but maybe that's the problem. Anyways, one little girl ventured an attempt, and called me Mrs. Happywood. I actually got her to repeat it so I could be sure. Mrs. Happywood! Isn't that great?

As much as I can't honestly say "I love the kindies", because they are so stinkin' picky about everything being done the right way, in the right order, with the right song and dance to go along with it, no one can deny that they are adorably hilarious.

"kids' view of the world"

I have been so busy lately that I haven't been supply teaching as much as before. Which means I haven't been generating much material for my blog. So I was at chapters the other day, and found these two books. One's called "kids' view of the world" and the other is called "kids' view of God". They were five bucks each. So I bought them. And they will supply funny (although perhaps not as meaningful) material for my blog until something worth while happens to me again in real life. This afternoon I'm supplying in another jk/sk class, so we'll see what happens...

In the mean time, enjoy.

Growing Up

"growing up scares me because all the girls are going to want to kiss me"
- sage, age 5

"When I grow up I want to be famous - then you'll get a lot of attention and slaves who do everything for you"
- amelia, age 8

"I can't wait to grow up so I can do dangerous things like cooking"
- grace, age 5

If I can't get an A, no one can!

Admittedly, this story didn't happen to me. Hopefully I get it right. Thanks Kaitlyn!

So a couple times a year there comes a time when teachers have the pleasure of doing parent-teacher interviews. You probably remember how much your teachers and parents loved this event. Yeah right.

This time, a parent had already been complaining about her daughter's less-than-satisfactory marks. Anticipating a difficult customer, the teacher had prepared a clear and thorough presentation of the student's work, explaining the teacher's justification for her actions in a gentle but firm way. The interview went surprisingly well, with the parent taking it all in and asking only a few questions. When the teacher was done, the parent paused, and then responded. "Okay but...Remember the "Special Me" project they had to do at the beginning of the year? I -uh- she worked really hard on that. And I - she put a lot of thought into it and made sure to underline all the words...I, I mean, she..." Finally she gave up. "Fine, I'm just going to say it. I did that project! and I think I deserved to get an A on it! I've got a degree! If I can't get an A on a grade five project, who the heck can?"

A pause. Trying not to laugh/cry/let her mouth hang open for too long, the teacher calmly explained that the students were marked on their confidence, volume, etc. in their presentation, so that's why she didn't get an A...

Of course all calmness went out the window after the parent left...Did that just happen? Did you hear what I just heard? All that time she was complaining about her daughter's marks, all she really cared about was that stupid project that she didn't get a good mark on?! Good grief.

Some people's parents.

mixed feelings

Funny and sad.

The funny part: It was one of my first supply days and I was called in to a French immersion class. Yes, just anyone can get assigned to just anything. Of course I took French until grade ten but I certainly can't speak it now beyond saying my name and asking to go to the washroom. So I introduced myself to the grade twos and informed them that I didn't know how to speak French. I told them they could speak French to me if they wanted, but I wouldn't be speaking French to them today. They cheered.

The sad part: Later on that day, a little boy came up to me and told me his parents were getting separated. He wasn't sad, per se, but he was confused for sure. Sigh. Life is tough for little kids.

"the worst class in the school"

I have finally gotten a call from my favourite school. It's the one I volunteered at before teacher's college, and it's super multicultural, which I really love. So I'm pumped. I arrive sufficiently early, and someone who I don't know, but who turns out to be the vice-principal, takes me to my classroom. It's the one I volunteered in. Perfect! I tell her how thrilled I am to be here, and how much I love this school, and how she should call me any time. She explains that she's looking for "regulars" and is thrilled to meet me. Amazing! The day is off to a wonderful start. She pauses for a moment. "Now, I know you'll be fine..." she says gently, "but I just wanted to warn you that this is a really tough class." "Okay..." "So don't hesitate at all to call us if you need any help. We are behind you and will come to support you if you need it. Don't feel bad if you need to call us." I laugh, perhaps a bit nervously. "Okay."

The bell rings and the kids start streaming in. I'm standing outside the classroom happily greeting them, answering some pleasant and some rude "who are you?"s, and just generally psyching myself up for a tough day. Taking it as more of a challenge than as a threat...I can handle it.

"Hi, I'm the principal". She has found me in the hall, and has come to give me the low down. "Oh hi, I'm Rosilee Sherwood." "Hi. I just wanted to warn you that you have a really difficult class." "Oh thanks. I heard that." "So just don't hesitate at all to call us down if you need to. I can sit in your classroom for the whole day if you need me to. We will not look down on you if you call for help. We will look down on you if you come to us at the end of the day and tell us how horrible they were but you didn't ask for help." gulp. "And please send students to the office. I will be really surprised if you don't send anyone to the office. You have to be really firm with them or they'll walk all over you. Okay?". double gulp. "Okay." "I can't punish them tomorrow for something they did today. It doesn't help anyone to write a horrible letter to the teacher telling him about how bad they were but not doing anything about it." "Okay." smile "Okay. Have a good day." smile "Thanks."

I walk into the classroom still optimistic. The overwhelming message is "you can't handle this", and my response is "yes I can". So, the day begins. My first tactic is taking away gym. I hold that over their heads like a piano teetering at the top of a tall building. I put x's on the board, count down from 5, yell a bit, and put more x's on the board. They try to be quiet. They scream at each other to shut-up-or-we're-going-to-miss-gym.

Yes, they were horrible. Yes there were about 20 boys and about 8 girls. Yes they were throwing little bits of eraser at each other all day. Was I overwhelmed? no. Did I break down or lose it in a fit of crying or screaming? no. Did I send several students to the office? yes. Did the principal hear us from down the hall and come and stick her head in the door several times? yes.

It's nutrition break. I'm in the work room cutting something up. The vp walks by. "So how's it going?" she asks me. "Oh fine," I say with a smile. It is going fine. "Well, yeah, they are the worst class in the school" she says. I laugh, "Yeah, I think things are going okay".

Wow. Harsh. The worst class in the school.

It's the end of the day. Gym has come and gone, so there is no longer a threat in that. The next worst thing is to add minutes to the end of the day. I have decided to do a bit of a classroom clean-up to impress the homeroom teacher when he comes back tomorrow (although I wouldn't be surprised if he never came back...). This was not a good idea since it means allowing people to be out of their seats. Things have gotten to the point where kids are standing on chairs, throwing things, yelling and screaming. I am also yelling. The better kids (mostly the girls), have collected a giant heap of bits of eraser from the floor. I have counted down. I have yelled. I am now calling the vp. I say, "I need you to come and sit in the classroom for a bit." "No problem," she says. Students notice that I've called her, and they start getting worried and start to quiet down. They know this is serious. She comes in and starts right into them: She is ashamed that two supply teachers have had to call her to come to the classroom in the last two days. She is upset that as the oldest students in the school they are acting like seven year olds. She is disappointed because she expected more from kids who she knows have a lot of potential. They are quiet. They are not moving. I inform her that they will not be leaving when the bell rings and she agrees. We wait. "You have wasted my time, I will waste your time". Classic.

It's about two weeks later. I'm back to my favourite school, this time in a calm little grade two class. I see one of the students from "the worst class in the school". He remembers my name, and seems thrilled to see me.

Bitter, bitter cold

So it's a ridiculously cold day (okay Kat, not as cold as Thunder Bay...) and everyone is talking about it . The kids are still going out for recess, but not without an inspection by a teacher, checking for proper gear. Everywhere you look people are bundled to the max, shaking their heads saying "Holy crap it's cold out here!". Because it is.

So the day ends and I head to the office to give back my key. I'm all bundled up myself, and try to keep up a bit of conversation with the secretary (because it's always good to be on their good side...).

"Did you have a good day?" she asks pleasantly.

"Oh yeah, they were really good" I respond, as I put on my hat and pull my hood over it. "It sure is a cold one out there," I say.

"Well, this is Canada," she states, sounding a little annoyed. Yikes.

"But at least you're dressed properly," she says, seeming to lighten the mood a little. "But I'd probably wear snow pants". Oookay. Sorry I brought it up. Note to self: do not talk to this secretary about the weather.

It's just funny how some people hate it when people talk about the weather. They think we should be used to it by now. That this is just the way it is and there's no need to mention it...
Well I think they should be used to talking about the weather by now! That's just the way it is in Canada. People talk about the weather. And especially in tropical Southern Ontario - complaining about whatever it is that we happen to be experiencing at the time (cold, hot, rain, snow, hail, sun, cloud...) is just what we do. There's really no need to get all bitter about it.

good old old order

First of all, you should be warned that I will not be posting this often forever. Since I've already had about five months of supply teaching, I've got a bunch of stories saved up. Once they're done, we'll have to wait for more to happen...

Anyways, near the beginning of the school year, I got a call to go to a little school way out in the sticks. Fine. At that point I was taking anything I could get. As it turned out, this school was made up of 50% Old Order Mennonites (not sure if that's supposed to be capitalized, but I think they deserve it). It was totally amazing. Not that I've never seen true blue Mennonites before, but I haven't really interacted with them. Of course all the boys were wearing their straw hats, and all the girls their buns or braids. All the boys were wearing their plaid shirts with black pants and suspenders. Which actually suspend their pants. So regardless of the actual size of the pants, they stayed up, some of them just sort of floating around their bodies. Which makes perfect sense, since they can just grow into them. And of course the girls were wearing their tiny floral print dresses (the dresses aren't tiny, the print is) with pinned on aprons. Which seemed to get used all the time, amazingly, even in school. And they all spoke with an accent of some kind, which I can't quite describe. So much so that at times I couldn't understand what they were saying to me. But it's basically exactly how you would expect these kids to talk.

They happened to be doing presentations that day about themselves. The girls all talked about how much they love animals, because they're adorable and soft and cuddly. And especially how much they adore babies because they're so cute. They actually used the word adore. All of them. And the boys love farming and horses and farm equipment. It was a complete blast from the past, but not. Because they exist right now. It boggles my mind. And sitting in every-other chair, are regular non-Menno kids, wearing their jeans and hoodies, asking questions like, "do you ever wish you could watch tv?" and "have you ever ridden in a car?". Of course. It boggles their minds too.

But the thing that really got me happened during art. I had carefully set out all their supplies during the break, and was just giving some final instructions. I asked if there were any questions and then put them to work finishing up their water-colour paintings. As I'm saying "okay, let's get to work then", I realize that they don't have any paint brushes. Before I can think twice, or even finish my thought in fact, a few girls have already handed out paint brushes to half of the class. I thank them and everyone starts painting.

This might sound pretty unremarkable, and perhaps it is, or perhaps it should be. But to me it's not. To me, these are kids that take initiative. These are kids that see a problem and stand up and do something about it. Which is rare. And I can only imagine that they've had to live this way to get by in their lives at home, with tons of kids, tons of work to be done, and no tolerance for laziness or complaining. If you have a problem, you do something about it. On the other hand, in other classes I've experienced, we have the non-Mennos, who have grown up with one, two, or (gasp!) three kids in the family, where a lot is done for them. They put up their hands and say absolutely ridiculous things like, "my pencil is broken," or "I don't have any paper", when they clearly know what to do about these situations! But they just don't do it. They just aren't self-motivated. So how do you teach that? How do you teach them to be self-motivated? Sigh...

nut-free

As is probably common knowledge by now, most schools around here are nut-free. Of course I am aware of this fact. However, being myself, I tend to be somewhat forgetful. So I'm wandering the halls on duty one day during nutrition break (yes, for you non-education people out there, it's called nutrition break, not lunch), while the kids are eating. Trying to be the nutrition-conscious person that I'm not, I'm eating trail mix. Delicious. One kid says to me, "what's in there?", eying the bag in what I took to be a curious way. I think, how nice. What a friendly kid trying to make conversation with the supply teacher. "Oh, y'know, peanuts, almonds, raisins, cranberries..." I inform him, smiling pleasantly. It quickly becomes clear that neither curiosity nor friendliness have sparked this conversation. "You're not allowed to have nuts in school," he states flatly. ... gasp ... A few more pairs of eyes are added to his, curious and condemning, wondering what I'm going to say next. What do I say next? I go with the ever popular, "yeah...I know". I do know! I just forgot! I quickly exit the classroom and hide my face in shame. What an idiot! How could I forget that you can't eat nuts!! Nevermind, eating them while walking from classroom to classroom, spreading the deadly evidence all over the school!! Needless to say, I have been sufficiently embarrassed to ensure that I will never eat nuts at a school again.

Attack of the HOBO!!

So I'm doing a standard classroom clean-up with a grade four class. Two students leave the portable to dump the recycling. Slowly rumour gets back to the class that there's a "hobo" outside. Yes, a hobo. As in, a person who is without a home. Panic is stricken into the hearts of some, while others, overcome with curiousity go tearing OUT of the portable. Yes, without any apparent thought whatsoever, half of my class goes running out the door. I am in complete shock. What on earth could they possibly be thinking? Of course I run out to the porch, stand shivering in the freezing cold and scream at the top of my lungs "GET BACK HERE!!". A few of them turn around and come back. Others run into the school and still others are already out of sight. Back in the portable, the more imaginative ones in the group are striking terror into the hearts of anyone willing to listen..."He jumped out at me and I screamed and ran away!", "What if he has a gun!!", "What if he's coming to shoot us all!!", "Do you think we'll have to stay here over night?"....

Eventually all of the stray students trickle back into the classroom and we "meet on the carpet" for a stern talking-to. "First of all, in any type of emergency, you do NOT run OUT of the portable TOWARDS the apparent danger!!" and so on. You get the idea.

It was basically completely ridiculous. I promptly reported the whole thing to the principal, just in case she got any phone calls from worried parents wondering about the alleged gunman at the school...

post the first

Hello people. Well, I have thought many times about having a blog, and I'm still not sure it's a good idea. However, I think that having a specific topic like this will help. So, on with the show!

My first story is not the first one that happened to me, but I feel that it must come first, to explain the name. As you might know, Mrs. Driftwood is not my real name. It's Mrs. Sherwood. But in a junior kindergarten class, what does real really mean? They're too little to be able to remember something as tricky as Sherwood. So, a bunch of kids were calling me Mrs. Woods (an obviously simpler alternative), and one particularly adorable one was calling me Mrs. Driftwood (not at all simple, and in fact quite surprising - you wouldn't even expect a four year old to know the word driftwood!). It was hilarious. Too hilarious and cute to correct, so it continued on throughout the day. And now it's stuck...at least in bloggerland. Of course there was also the kid who would scream out in frustration from across the room "It's Mrs. Sherwood!!"